The Ballad of Straw-Hat Sam

Duke Ross

Straw-Hat Sam/Kylie Kritter

Victor Acosta

Bucket

Jennica Anusua

Birdie

Rahul Barkley

Dennis

Jackson Rees

Toothy Timmy/Gamblin' Gary

Rain Tanner

Margaret

Emerson Peery

Mei Mei/Dale Martin

Tommy Chong

Bert, The Sword Salesman

Kanye East

God

Matthew Hartman

Miss Whoop-Whoop

Dustin Freeman

Rudy Riddle

Kirby Dorsey

Kitty Kritter

Riley Mortenson

Katie

Jared Palmer

Clerk

Jiwon Moon

News Reporter